The Bride's Dish

The village was called Porumbani, or Corn's Craddle, and was located in a saddle in the midst of a few round hills, so that the inhabitants could watch their cattle grazing on the hilltops, pushing the sun with their twisted horns. I arrived at the house where I was expected in the evening. The cows were returning from pasture and were pouring into the big yards. In all of the neighbouring farms the excitement was high, the animals were given water and dinner was being prepared. I entered and patiently waited for the cattle to finish feeding, and after they disappeared in their stables, the eldest daughter, a thin and stiff sight with dull hair, brought me a jar of water.
I was hot from the long trip, and my lips were cracked and dry. I drank the jar in one breath and asked for more. 

They filled up one more jar, and the house owner, the girl's father, a guy as big as a mountain, with dry-roasted skin and a red moustache told his daughter in an angry voice: "Bring over a bucket of milk!" The girl headed to the back of the yard and quickly fetched a bucket of milk””the whole family was busy milking in the stables, and she wanted to pour some more into the jar, but I could not hold it ””I grabbed the bucket, drinking half and spilling the other half on my shirt.

I put the bucket on a table outside, then  took a breath and started drinking again until I finished the whole lot. I wiped my mouth  with a towel and thanked them.

"God bless you, big boy," mumbled the man looking at the bucket. And then he asked me what brought me there, as if he did not know. 
I told him that I am after a bride, because I heard there are many girls in the village, that are beautiful and hard working.

"Yes, that's true," he said," one of these girls is my eldest daughter. Because she is conceited and turned down all the young men that have proposed ””and she has been proposed by many”” because she found none as good looking and c’ever as to suit her, she was left single and past her prime, but that's not too bad, since flowers are beautiful when they are in full bloom, aren't they?"

I nodded in in agreement, looking at that hideous thing. It was getting dark, the surrounding hills were taller and gathered tighter around the village like black  ghosts that were scheming something.

 In the round yard enclosed by beams were steaming puddles of cow urine and the farmhands were gathering the dung and carrying it in wheelbarrows to a pit at the edge of the yard. There was a strong smell of manure and smoke. Two girls, probably the younger sisters, have led me to a room while pushing me, allegedly because of the dark, they lit my lamp and started making my bed while giggling. I let them do their work and went out to wash at the well. I got a bucket of water and poured it over  my head. I washed and felt thoroughly refreshed, I then wiped myself with the towel. I had left my shoes a bit further away they so they wouldn't get wet, but when I went to get them, I slipped and fell into a hole of cold, sticky mud.

I started to struggle to get out of there. I screamed for help but from the lit house nobody came; suddenly, I noticed next to me two wide open glassy eyes and I heard some fast breathing””it was a cow that was trapped as well, and judging by her stifled moo she was not delighted to share the mud with me.

I screamed, and out came the unmarried monster and spoke to me while making fun at my predicament. "Don't be scared, just kiss her and she'll let you get out unharmed!" she said. I could not believe my ears. I was looking at her, then at the cow. "Couldn't I kiss you instead?"

"Hm, that's not right," she said, and started swinging from one leg to the other and twisting her apron in her hands, "and then again, it's not me that's in the mud with you."

The cow was staring fiercely, tapering her thick drivelling lips. "God, what should I do?" I  tried to escape, but I sank more and more into the mud, while the beast lowered her twisted horns and mooed furiously.

I don't know when I kissed her and got out fast. I started to wash yet again, this time being careful not to fall into to the mud, and indeed, I only lost the soap in the well. As I was pulling up my trousers, I noticed in the semi-darkness a white shape, surely one of the girls, possibly the ugly one, has remained in the yard and was staring at me.

"Hmm!" I went to my room and  got dressed and after a while the lady of the house came and asked me to come and have dinner. She was a dark-skinned peasant woman, with big thick feet, and she was constantly fiddling with the benches. She led me to the big kitchen. At the fireplace were two girls that that were hastily stirring with a stick in a huge cast iron kettle where a cornflour mash dish, called mamaliga, was boiling and bubbling, and the owner put three pots with cowls butter and cheese on the table. The whole family came and sat by the table, there were about twenty in all, including the farmhands. The girls turned over the reddish mamaliga””as big as a cart wheel””on a wooden tray right in the middle of the dinner guests.
The hideous one was out of sight and I noticed a couple of lovely girls sitting at the table, among them one who was very much to my liking. The father started cutting the large mamaliga into slices with  a thread

After the scare with the cow, I asked where was his most beautiful daughter, pretending to be interested, since I didn't see her.

"My daughter", he said, "is very sensitive with her food, and shy; when she feels there are suitors around she retreats””something that seldom happens to such a beautiful girl, one that wants to be seen by the whole world..."

"Oh, I see," I said, and the threatening face of the man that spoke those words made me abtain from smiling. 

 "Good luck to you, brave fellow!" he said, while raising and gulping his glass of liquor, "may you find the one destined to you, and who knows, perhaps my eldest daughter would also find a husband..." 

I was going to say "God forbid!" but caught myself in time and said "With God's help!"

I took the glass and gulped it, and started eating. Lifting my eyes suddendly, I could avoid seeing how the girls could hardly hold their laughing, holding their jaws together and their noses in the bowls.

The tradition was that on the day of the summer solstice, all the groom-seeking girls in the village prepared dishes of mamaliga and set them on a special table at the village centre. A suitor would select a particular dish of mamaliga, either by its looks or by its taste, and then he would marry the girl whose dish he selected. People would come from far-away places to seek wives in Porumbani.     In choosing a bride I was a very picky fellow. Realising that the years went by and I was still not attracted to any girl, my mother sent me off to Porumbani, telling me that if I cannot decide, fate will decide for me. My mother was usually right, and besides she knew that all the marriages made in Porumbani were fortunate, and no husband or wife were ever known to complain against one another.

I had to give them a hand with their work, and I asked to take the cows to graze.They gave me the cows and the goats.I was fearfuly looking to spot the cow that fell in the mud, but she was not among them.

I got the bag with cold mush and onion and I went uphill leading the herd, together with a ten-year old boy and a couple of shaggy dogs. I reached the top of the hill and the cows started grazing, then when the sun was up I took them to the river flowing at the bottom of hills where they watered and dipped themselves in mud in the swamps on the river's banks, as was their custom. All of a sudden I saw the boy pushing them with his stick and muttering: "How I wish you got married so I can get rid of you!"

"They will marry the oxes when their time will come, I said smiling."

"What nonsense are you saying? you're a fool!" said the boy, speaking angrily, just like his father.

"What did you just say?" I got angry and got him by his ears. At that moment all the cows raised their muzzles from the water and were getting ready to come at me. It was no joke. I patted the boyls head and the cows went on drinking water, however their bulging evil-looking eyes were fixed on me.

"Tell me, please,  whatls going on here?" I said.

 The kid kept quiet, looking at me with an ugly look.

"Look what Ilm giving you," I said, trying to apease him, and took out of my shirt a beautiful enameled c’ay bird, went to the river, filled it with water and started whistling and giggling with it. It was more than he could stand. He took the c’ay bird from me and said: "These cows you are grazing today are girls punished by the villagers because they didn't want to go with those that have chosen the mash they made."

"And they are not making mamaliga?" I asked.

"They do, but they prepare it in the evening, and next day itls cold and as it happens only very few choose this mash, because everyone chooses the hot mash that's steaming. This way they are left unmarried, this is their punishment."

So this was also possible! We returned in the evening, the cows followed us obediently, even though they were looking hatefuly while the boy was whistling filling the valley with music. We arrived and sat down at the table, the boy was cheerful while I was thoughtful thinking about the tale of the unmarried cows.

The next day, all the marriage-ready village girls got up very early and started to make the marriage mamaliga mas, as it was called in those places.
I went out and washed at the well, taking care this time not to fall in the cowls mud. It seemed as though the animal was not there, but looking carefully I noticed the horn tips s’ightly piercing the surface.

I went back inside. The hideous girl was at the fireplace stirring the pot, while from the stove one could smell a stew made with unknown herbs growing up on the hills known only to the local women. Strangely, I thought about my childhood. My mouth was watering. The old cow wanted to get married then. Were her sisters making mamaliga as well? They were nowhere in sight. What if I randomly picked hers? Could I be that unlucky? Then some thoughts crossed my mind. There were girls that rejected the suitors.

Could the suitors reject the girls? And if so, what would happen to them? If the stubborn girls turned into cows, were the stubborn boys turning to... oxen?
 I went to the village at around noon.The mamaliga dishes were presented on a long table, covered with towels and the young men were circling around. They were tossing their hats, looking, tasting. Each mash had a sign underneath and that sign was recorded in a register kept by the village chief, so there was no place for cheating. Besides the mamaliga, the girls prepared other foods that could be eaten with the mash, like stuffed cabbage rolls, sauerkraut, or rabbit-and-partridge stew, and of course, there were plenty of glasses full of the local plum brandy, tzuica.

I was very hungry, since the suitors were not getting any food on that day. I looked at all of the mamaliga dishes, but they were not different from one another. I saw there were also cold and hard mamaliga dishes, as the young boy said, and realized this was no joke.

I saw a suitor picking a mash. Immediately its owner appeared, a very beautiful girl, and I was very envious. Another man picked a mamaliga mash that belonged to none other than the hideous girl's nice sister, the one that I liked. Angry at how lucky those two got, I quickly picked a mamaliga mash and immediately my host appeared holding the hideous one by her hand and said "Congratulations, young man!" and the hideous girl grinned, showing her long portruding teeth while fixing her dull hair with much haughtiness.  I think my face turned black.

The man shouted: "Have a look at this beauty! Itls not in vain that you waited to get married for so long and made the long way here." Since I kept quiet while staring at her foolishly, he briefly asked me:  "Hey, is there anything wrong?"

"Ye..NO," I stuttered.

"What then?" he asked. "I am overwhelmed, it's beyond my expectations...'' I said. "Aah, I'm glad," he said and rubbed his palms. "I felt you were going to be my son-in-law from the moment you came in through the door, donlt be angry with me for telling you, it happens sometimes. I've always dreamt that my daughter will get a worthy person."

I wanted to raise hell, to tell the other suitors the whole matter with the cows and the danger they were putting themselves in if they were refusing a girl, and start a rebelion. But I got hold of myself. Something in my head told me to go ahead, so that I won't be the victim of a bigger misfortune. Maybe I push her along the way into some tree hollow and find refuge in a monastery, become a monk and I wonlt need a wife as long as I live.

The ugly girl giglled and looked at me lovingly: "My beloved, could you please go get me some chamomille? I am so fond of these flowers..."

"Immediately, my dear!" I whistled to my horse, but they didn't allow me to mount it, they gave me one of their horses. I sat in the saddle and started going uphill, thinking it was a good opportunity to escape. But when we came by a s’ope covered with flowers, the nuisance horse threw me down and said  "Come on now, hurry up and pick the flowers; I want to go back, I have an urge for some dry hay."

There was nothing I could do. I picked the chamomile, got back on the horse and returned to my bride.The fiddlers were playing the well known bride song 'Be quiet young bride, do not cry' and the hideous girl was trying hard to shed some tears.

We sat at the table, all the new couples, about thirty of us, and we started eating and drinking while the fiddlers were playing their fiddles and the guitars.When dancing the bridels dance, as the custom was, the damned bride, ornated according to the village customs, danced in a peculiar rigid way as if she swallowed a cob that prevented her from bending freely, and from time to time she was spinning like a top. The time came to depart. I thought she would get her own horse, but no, we both had to use the one horse. She said goodbye to her mother and father, sisters, brothers, brothers-in-law and other relatives, and to her beautiful sister who was also a bride and was trying hard to refrain from laughing.

I then took my beautiful wife in my arms and threw her on the saddle and she started to scream and vail loudly: "Daadddy, this one doesn't love me, look how he threw me on the horse!"

"What?" he father got angry, "be careful  on how you behave, son-in-law!" 
"That's not true my dear, you imagine things..." I said.  "No, she did not imagine this, I felt how you threw her!" said the horse.

"Ahaa," screamed the man, "wait a minute, boy. Look here fellow villagers, this man thinks he deserves a better bride. Bring him what he deserves!"

Shamed and miserable, not knowing what to do, all of a sudden I noticed a herd of cows coming, and among them was a big cow with loose skin and a dribelling muzzle I recognized as the cow from the mud. God! She stopped and c’apped her huge lips once.

The village chief, holding the register under his arm said: "Tell me young man,who do you choose?" "I donlt want any other choices, Illl stay with my beloved darling bride!" I said, trembling.

I jumped on the horse's back behind the bride and wanted to leave, but her mother called in a sharp voice "This cow is part of the dowry, she goes with you. Donlt go too fast, so she won't get tired!"

I knew the dowry will arrive about two weeks later, so why did this cow have to come with us?

"Donlt worry," I said. We left s’owly, with the cow right behind us, but when we passed the hills and nobody could see us anymore, I spurred the horse and it started to go fast. Just when I thought that I managed to get rid of the repulsive animal,  I felt a punch in my back. Turning around, I saw the cow, her burning piercing eyes underneath her bent horns pointed at me.

"Stop it!" I shouted," Okay, Illl wait for you and welll go together..."

The cow s’owed down and I s’owed the horse down and we made a halt, while the cow grazed on the tender grass. The bride asked to get off the horse and started to dance and I was looking at her and at the cow, and at one point I thought she was charming. At the next halt, after we untied the towel with the food and ate together, talking about all the things in the world, we mounted the horse again and went on our way all cheerful, together with the cow. On the way I saw that she was becoming prettier and prettier by the moment and when we got home she was nothing else than wonderful.

My mother came to greet us and I stated proudly: "Look at the bride I got!"

She looked and said nothing. The bride jumped on top of the oven while the cow sat at the door and started to yawn and ruminate and there she is to this day. Within a week the twelve carriages with the dowry arrived, and with it a big herd of cows.

Mother nodded her head, cheerfuly: "Oh! That's more like it."

That's the way it was...We had three sons and we lived happily to be very old and look, I also had the chance to tell you too how I got myself a bride...